Kya sahi mein "Phir mile sur???"

The video of the “new age” classic Mile sur mera tumhara has left me so flabbergasted that I am writing a post here for want of an avenue to vent my frustration. Before I begin the bashing, I would like to ask the producers of this appalling video a few questions

• What in the name of Christ prompted u to go ahead and make a video like this?
• Just like the “bolly celebs” dance around at peoples’ weddings, is this like a video for Mr. Kailash Surendranath’s wife’s birthday???
• Do u really expect people to buy this unworthy piece of s*&t as a masterpiece representing our feeling of national integration???
• Where is the “sur” in the song????

The video opens with A. R. Rehman.. U got us our first Oscar dude… Point taken.. But pls compare ur “Vande Mataram” to this… Do u think u should really have been in this video given its mediocre production value?? Then comes in the Big B singing about how ur sur and my sur together can coalesce to form our sur… Believable sir.. Coming from a person like u, who has done India proud in a way, I must say I am willing to accept that. Enter the trio Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy… The beginning of their piece is all noise.. Later when things start settling down, u might find a flicker of harmony..

Next comes in Anoushka Shankar.. Cool I thought.. Maybe she might greet me with some much needed “divine lift” that is usually associated with the sitar.. But once again, I was left in the lurch… I felt like driving a nail thru my ears…

Honestly speaking, after seeing the first 2 mins of the video, my heart started sinking.. That feeling got worse with Vikram n Surya showing up on the screen.. I respect the fact that both of them are superstars in their own right. But to come in as a representative of the rich Tamil culture.. I’m sorry.. Not really impressed..

Then comes Shreya Ghoshal.. Gal, u r the reason I started believing in the music reality shows. But u sing atop a running bus and lend ur voice to the very plastic, trying-too-hard Mrs Junior Bachchan and there goes my respect for u, down the drain… Joining the Bachchan bahu is the Bachchan beta.. He HAS done our country proud I must say, to merit a place in the video. After the 3 Bachchans, I was almost expecting Big B’s better half, Mr. Amar Singh, the B’s personal hair-stylist, kaam-wali bai n others to smile at me thru the screen.. Thankfully, that didn’t happen…

Mahesh Babu is shown surrounded by the elderly, depicting our concern for them. This projects a sensitive image and turns out to be one of the very few honest moments in the video. The Sharmas come in next with their Jugalbandi.. Now this seems more like a part inspired by the political scenario in our country, if u know what I mean… The symbolism attached with the Sur-taal in the Gurdaas Mann part is kinda nice. And who’s that female screeching behind Juhi’s face?? I was filled with pity for the effervescent Juhi when I saw her part… Poor gal…

Bringing in Bhupen Hazarika just for the sake of fitting him in the video is a great disrespect to the man.. He deserves much more honour than is bestowed upon him in the video. Shilpa Shetty Kundra comes in to show us that we are empowering our women to become independent. Ok Mrs Kundra, we believe u… Or rather, would like to believe u…

Then comes Salman Khan.. No doubt his portion with the differently abled kids strikes a chord.. But dude, u r in a video made on national integration, not in some cheap infomercial shown on AXN.. What r u doing “topless?” Sivamani’s track seems like a background score of a chase sequence in some arbit hindi movie. No justice done to the maestro here..

Enter Dr. L. Subramaniam MBBS( Miya Biwi bachchon Samet).. Really???? Biwi is fine.. But what about the kids. Can u justify their presence in a video like this?? Now comes the part that I hated the most about this video… The over-expressive Deepika Padukone enters showing her legs.. How do u connect national integration to her legs??? Pls explain that to me.. Either I’m really dumb who could not see the link or there is something seriously wrong with the producers of the video who chose to enforce such imbecilicity on us…Moreover just because her father featured in the previous video, does she warrant a place here?? Reminiscising of the “khandaan” tradition anyone???

Priyanka Chopra shows us that we no longer look at our daughters as just “Ghar ki Laxmi”. We are giving them an opportunity to study and go ahead in their life.. No qualms against u :).. Showing Sudarshan Patnaik in the video was another good point. He has taken sand sclupting to whole new levels and made India really proud..

Just as I’m looking for some good points in the video, another family tree shows up.. Gawd!!! I groan.. Pls knock some sense into these guys… Just as my hopes are ebbing away, Dr. Yesudas provides the much needed relief. The visuals in the background, representative of “God’s own country” are cliched, but beautiful nonetheless…

Mallika Sarabhai.. I missed u in the video.. Although I think it was respectful on ur part no to appear in it.. Shobhana has done a good job.. But why club her with Shaimak Davar?? Logic anyone??? And why Aamir had to do his “Aati kya Khandala” bit is beyond me..

Sonu Niggam used to be one of my favourite singers of all times. But the video shows him as a demented, turned-out-of-his-own-home fellow which does his image no good. I think I speak for all his fans when I say this kind of stupidity on his part, was totally uncalled for. And what are Shahid and Ranbir doing here??

Now enters *drumrolls……….* The King Khan… Expecting him in a Swades-kinda look.. But he is a major turn off.. His act is reminiscent of “Suraj Hua Maddham” and not “Yeh jo des hai tera”.. Now I’m seriously wondering if I am watching a video on National Integration or some candy floss hindi movie… Then comes his best bud Karan Johar… Really??? Is this a Dharma production?? Can I hear a Farah Khan wailing that she wasn’t asked to be a part of this hippodrome??

Vijender Singh, Sunil Kumar, Abhinav Bindra, Saina Nehwal,Baichung Bhutia, Mary Kom are all featured for about 20 seconds.. Where are the other guys like Rajyavardhan Rathore, Gagan Narang, Sachin Tendulkar?? And yeah, Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle who have sung songs in almost every Indian language should never be incorporated here… Deepika’s legs are much more a sign of India “developing” than the two nightingales.. How ironic, in a video about sur, the Goddesses of Indian music are not even given a fleeting mention..

I don’t mean to be spewing hatred here, but is this the kind of India we want to project to the outer world? Does India mean bollywood and vice versa? If that’s what we think, then I’m sorry to say the westerners are not wrong in their perception of Indians as a bunch of wannabes. As a matter of fact, this is a blasphemy to the sacred idea of India.. We r being paraded as a group of losers who want to cling on to anything shiny, however fake and artificial it is.. If this is how India has progressed in the past two decades, then “God bless India”….

Avatar... Ummm... Hmmm...

To have a hearty laugh, pls read this first.. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/film-reviews/avatar-film-review-1004052868.story
The reviewer makes an ass out of himself by hailing Cameron as the king of the world.. Spending 300 million dollars on making of a movie doesn't make one the king of the world.. I went in for the night show yesterday with buckloads of expectations. But , sorry, the movie didn't stand up to its hype, atleast for me.
The first part of the movie is a snooze-fest, what with the establishment of the characters in the nether world of Pandora. Some concepts are heavilly borrowed from the Aztecs and the Mayans( like we all the energy that a living thing has, is just borrowed... We gotta leave it here before we go..) and stuff like that. Cameron creates a completely different world with creatures not very different from those that inhabit the earth. The attention to detail, no doubt is mind boggling. There's no taking away from that. The simple Na'vis respect the forest and most importantly, all the living beings associated with it. The very fact that they apologise to the animal they hunt and pray for it's soul is really simplistic and touching. There are some scenes like the one wherein they mourn the felling of their sacred tree is touching and intensifies ur hatred towards the perpetrators of the crime against the Na'vis.

Throughout the movie, Cameron establishes some viewpoints:
1. Some Americans are completely drunk on power. They don't see the thin line between the moral and the immoral
2. Some other Americans really have a heart and stand up to the ideals of justice, even if it means losing their life or going against their own race
3. There definitely is a possibilty of life on other planets :P
4. U don't have the right to infiltrate other peoples lives if they are not hurting you
And I must say, I completely agree with his thoughts. The movie does have a political undertone to it. But there's no chest-beating about it. The heart of the movie is in the right place. But......

The movie derives much of its strength from the visual effects. But Mr. Cameron, with reports of 15 years being taken for the development of the film, I definitely expected much more. The plot is very, very predictable.. It seems like a fairy tale... A perpetual tale of the truimph of good over evil. The plot raises some questions as well.. Why did the Na'vi God choose Jake to be the lead the tribe over the indigenious tribesmen?? Neytiri chooses to save Jake coz he has a "strong and pure heart". But wasn't he the one who suggested killing the Na'vis without making an effort to talk to them? There are many such contradictions in the movie. The background score is Ok.. One tends not to hear the sounds as he's completely engrossed with the visuals. There are 2 things about the movie which stand out like ugly corns jutting out of ur toe. And mind you, they are as painful.. First is the pathetic dialogue.. Once again the point in case being the scene where Neytiri saves him saying she killed the animals that attacked him as his heart was strong and pure.. That ain't fooling anyone honey. Mishra and myself had a big guffaw during that scene. At some points the dialogues are plain embarrassing. The second one is the use of gaudy colours given to the creatures inhabiting Pandora. It almost looks like a fashion disaster!!

Nevertheless, the movie has something in it for everyone. It has some subtle moments for suckers of emotional drama. It has loads of violence and destruction. It has awesome visuals for sci-fi lovers. Environmentalists will love it coz of the green-loving Na'vis.. All in all, a movie, not worth the hype... But still definitely watchable

Kasab says "I came to Mumbai to land up in movies"

On the 18th of December 2009, I woke up like everyday, with sleep refusing to let go of the cushion of my eyes. It was a cold morning and the winter had just begun to spread its tentacles. The first thing I did, like the norm was, that I opened the door to have a glance at the newspaper before I could go ahead with my morning chores. I was hoping to see some news about a planet-saving deal being cracked at Copenhagen. But I was greeted by a headline which screamed ' Kasab says "I came to Mumbai to land up in movies"...'

I was stupefied for a minute.. Was this the same Ameer Ajmal Kasab talking, who had owned up to killing scores of Indians earlier???? Was this the same guy who appeared in newspapers all over the country on 27/11/08 for attacking the financial heart of India?? I somehow blandished myself to go through the entire article. It was reported at length as to how he was "framed" ,that he had come to India on the 6th of November to make a living out of working in movies, that he was caught just because he was a Pakistani and that the one who partook in the manslaughter was a look-alike..

Ever since, I have had many questions bolting through my mind, which I would like to raise here.. First things first, what is the rationale in keeping Kasab alive by spending crores together on his security? Have we extracted anything worthwhile out of him??? The answer to this, sadly, is a big NO..... Agreed that every man has a right to a fair trial. But what about a man whose crime has been witnessed by 600 odd citizens and the camera lenses of the media? Should he be given a chance to speak at all, let alone defend himself? I may sound extreme in my views, but why don't countries like Iran , Saudi Arabia or even UAE have terrorist attcks on them? That's because the moment someone tries to so much as look at their countries with a wicked intent, they gouge their eyes out. The rules there may sound very fundamentalist, but aren't their citizens ensured that no Kasab dares to step on their motherland?

We claim to be a Gandhian state, but I'm sorry to say that in the world of today, people are least bothered about you, let alone respect you for your patience and persistence. If you are humble, others take that as a sign of cowardice. If you are meek, people make sure they step on you to reach the zenith. In such a world, there is no room for piety, especially for people like Kasab. I know killing him won't serve to be a lesson for the terrorists as they are hardly concerned about their lives. But make his killing a national event, telecast it on the national television and the world will know India wont take it lying down anymore.

I know I'm sounding too viscious and vitrolic here, but why do we have to put up with the killing of our innocent fellow-Indians? When are we ever going to realise that the life of every Indian is equally worth, if not more, as that of an American. When 3000 people were killed in the WTC attacks, USA went hammer and tongs against the supposed perpetrators of the crime against their state.. Why don't we make it a point to sound the bugle about more than 30,000 innocent people killed in terror attacks on Kashmir in the last decade? Do we care about the lives of our fellow countrymen at all?

That Kasab has the audacity to make such statements is a reflection of the loopholes existent in our judicial system. We are reluctant to change our system and are still follow the same old rules the British left us. It's high time we bring some drastic changes in the system to address such issues. I know it's easier said than done, but if we make no efforts towards that end, we are going to have our political class cover up their inefficiency and ineptitude by using the "Gandhian" veil.

I do believe in the notion that no innocent soul should be punished for a crime he hasn't committed.. But as long as we give people like Kasab a chance to go ahead with their tomfoolery, we are making a mockery of ourselves and running the risk of such petty clowns jeopardising the integrity of our beloved motherland.

The farce called Kurbaan

T'was the evening of the 13th of december.. I got back from my office, slightly irritated.. After all, I had no work to do for two days in a row and that was enough to get me all worked up.. Mishra was sitting in a trance-like state, gawking at the monitor of the PC, as though some angel would come from the magical world at the other end of his eyeballs and ask him to marry her (as usual)... I chided that poor soul for not studying and wasting his time on his favourite sites online. He gave me some excruciatingly lame excuse, which I don't even remember now.

Anyway, I shooed him off and then sat down to get a dose of my stress reliever,"FRIENDS". I can't enumerate the times I've been asked to watch something else by my roomies.. They have the permanent WTF?? expression on their faces when I watch about 7 to 8 episodes back to back for the nth time.. Getting back, I watched a couple of episodes. Then I thought I'd watch some serious cinema.. I thought I should see what the movie Kurbaan was all about.. I dared to watch it, against all recommendations from my friends to the contrary.. I never go by reviews.. They are always misleading...

So, now the movie started..The tagline" Some love stories have blood on them" seemed quite intriguing.. The intro to the movie was kinda sinister.. I thought I was in for a good bout of some hard hitting, realistic cinema and some really powerful moments that would shake me to my very core... But boy................... I was mistaken and how!

The first scene shows Kareena( Gawd I hate her....) waiting for a taxi. Saif( who I had loads of respect for, post-Omkara, btw) tries to hit on her. And voila... Within like 7 to 8 minutes, they are making out in the college library... C'mon, I mean a college professor does have aphrodisia, but to behave like a couple of hormone-infested teens is completely inexplicible. The movie continues to ramble along it's pot hole ridden script.. While I'm yet to recover from the imbecilic courtship scenes, the director Rensil D'Silva decides it's time to take the insanity to higher levels.. And after Ehsaan(Saif)"convinces" her father with a few corny dialogues, Avantika Ahuja becomes Avantika Khan!.. Whoa... (Mishra saale kuchh seekh.....)

So there they fly, to "the land of opportunties", and end up in a home in an "Indian neighbourhood". But what does poor Avantika know what's in store for her!.. She finds herself in the middle of a terrorist sleeper cell. The scene where she realises her husband is a part of the group is laughable to say the least. Ehsaan disconnects the cable of the phone when she tries to intimate the cops about it. But our poor dumb Avantika doesn't have a cellphone to call 911... No, wait, she does have it...She realises this only about half an hour later... Meanwhile all the damage is being done on the sidelines..

U almost erupt with joy when u find that the movie's picking up some pace when the group starts plotting a series of blasts.. In the meantime, the poor Nauheed Cyrusi gets killed and thus enter Riyaaz(Vivek Oberoi) and his sweetheart Rehanna(Dia Mirza).. You don't understand the feeling you have for them.. Is it pity coz u know Rehanna's gonna get bombed? Or is it plain frustration from the clowns that litter the screen?? Anyway, our darling Rehanna gets killed and Riyaaz sheds a tear and takes it upon him to venge her death( How very romantic!). The "New York" routine follows where Riyaaz is inducted into the cell by Ehsaan after he sees the "passion for revenge against the goras" in him.

Then comes the most talked-about scene of the movie. Riyaaz informs Avantika that there are going to be blasts in the city and asks her to find out about the precise locations. And then Avantika shows that she can do whatever it takes to get the truth out of her husband. It is here where the movie turns from inane to unbelievably absurd. She mouths some more corny dialogues like "क्यों ना हम एक रात के लिये सब कुछ भूल कर पहले जैसे बन जायें", which are supposed to turn Ehsaan on. They end up being hilarious and outrageously funny... Finally she seduces, a-la Menaka, and gets him into bed. The intimate scene, though tastefully shot , fail to convey the right emotion because of the God-awful acting. When we come to the end of the scene, as expected, Avantika slips out of the bed and goes to Ehsaan's study and very easily finds the blueprint of the plan. Meanwhile, Ehsaan is blissfully sleeping.. When he wakes up, he goes around the house, meets Avantika near the kitchen where she was innocently getting some milk.. Ehsaan believes it and the director expects us to be as dim-witted.

What follows is a series of killings(homicides and suicides), a few blasts here and there, which btw, is supposed to be the climax. You end up feeling cheated.. And there are many reasons for it.. You expect the movie to have an awesome script as it deals with a sensitive subject and comes from the stable of a very good producer. However, ur expectations are ripped to shreds in this area. You expect the actors to live their characters. But they just non-chalantly sleep walk thru their roles as if they were strolling in a park. Saif and Vivek are partly believable.. But Kareena... The lesser said , the better. Good acting doesn't mean showing skin. If they were proportional, Kareena would have hands down been the best actress in B-town today. There are a couple of scenes wherein you think u might feel for her. But then, in the very next scene, she compels u to do a rethink. The scenes where she puts on a horrified expression make ur day as u get a good laugh out of it.. You also feel cheated because the subtle emotions which needed to be portrayed, are given a miss..

However, there r a few positives in this junkyard as well. The concept of not sounding preachy, yet showing the wounded hearts behind the ruthless exteriors of terrorists is laudable.The scene in the classroom where Vivek silences the gori-mem is quite convincing and turns out to be the best scene in the movie. The performances by Om Puri and Kirron Kher definitely are above average. However the best part of the movie is the music by Salim-Suleiman. It has a definite Sufi touch to it and all the tracks stand out as distinctive in their own way. To sum it up, you are not only let down big time, but also your heart aches to see such a good concept being flushed down in front of ur very eyes...

Those anxious moments are behind me... Atleast for now

I know there r going to be many instances in my life when I'm going to say this... "Phew.. It was tough.. Thankfully I wont have to go through it again..." Only to land back into the same spot very soon... I've said that after my first board exam( We had our first when we were in Std. 7th... Most of u must be forthrightly dismissing me as some kinda "publicity pervert" who revels in the shock value of his exaggerated utterances.. But my friends who've studied in Karnataka will know..) I've said that after the nerve wracking experience after every competition.. I've said that after the first time I tried to bell the dreaded CAT last year..

And here I'm saying it all over again.. This year though, wasn't exactly a tear-hair affair.. It was something more than that.. Having scored a decent percentile last year was no consolation either. The bag of expectations(or I'd rather say the knapsack ) I was carrying, was heavier this year with dollops of sympathy("Poor guy, couldn't make it to A B or C last year"), a modicum of awe("Dude, u crazy??? U r giving up on the other 3 calls u got??") and oodles of loathing ("Dunno what he thinks of himself.. There's no way he can repeat his last year's performance.. Forget going beyond that").. People have called me all sorts of names for trying to go after an elusive bird in the bush which was like a mile away, than being contented with the three I had in hand. But then, that's me.. I took a gamble as I thought I'd be able to bridge the distance between the metaphorical cup and lip this year..

I'm very happy to have performed well this time around. But as the mother of all competitive exams draws to a close this year, I have my apprehensions regarding the credibility of the test.. Some people either haven't been able to do well despite preparing well or haven't been able to write the test altogether, thanks to the "new age testing software" developed by the Prometric guys and the world class testing facilities provided by the IIMs. My heart goes out to
those affected. But I happened to be one of the lucky few who didn't have to face hassles during the test. Seriously, I would like to thank the Almighty for the same.

Now that I'm through with it, I feel I couldn't have done any better.. With a sigh of relief, I await the next exam to come along.. And the torrid times to come with the wait for the announcement of results. But till then, I can definitely afford a stretch, a yawn and some rest.. My beleaguered mind which has been sinking in taunts and fighting back an occasional tear, surely needs it..